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Citizens' Loft

Am I Happy in Life?

by Gaynor

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1.
2.
cynthia always praying for everyone else cynthia always going to bed before she is fully tired because she needs an hour for thorough praying cynthia praying for emmett because emmett's hands shake worse everyday emmett drinking neat and making love to barbara because his hands shake worse everyday barbara going on top and screaming because ben never loved her ben, dying emmett, crying barbara, lying cynthia, dying, crying, lying, praying
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never famous amos was always going on about the stars and how he planned to be one, one day never famous amos sat in front of the tv and marveled he paced around with magazines and studied he practiced his poses, imagined the parties when never famous amos hopped into bed and it was just darkness and his mind never famous amos would smile and shake with anticipation never famous amos allowed the peer alienation he cheered it on I AM DIFFERENT I AM FAMOUS I AM A STAR but never famous amos forever remained nameless except for that one time billy called him lover of anus and the other time i called him never famous amos
5.
mrs. jefferys always telling her kids not to do as she does mrs. jefferys telling how cigarettes are made from rat poison while throwing one in her mouth and another out the window mrs. jefferys telling how god hate sluts mrs. jefferys with dicks in three holes mrs. jefferys telling be strong be proud be kind mrs. jefferys wanting desperately to die mrs. jefferys making the decision but never oh but never saying goodbye ahhhhh god hates sluts rat poison r-r-r-rat poison goodbye goodbye poison goodbye goodbye g-god hates sluts goodbye goodbye strong proud and kind strong proud and kind goodbye goodbye bye bye bye god hates sluts goodbye oh goodbye strong proud kind poison poison ahhhh god hates sluts goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye too-da-loo
6.
Bad Romance 06:42
7.
carla gets quietly mad and quietly sad but that is all because she needs him joey gets quietly mad and quietly tired but that is all because he loves her
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i wanna wake up next to you i wanna wake up next to you i wanna wake up i wanna wake up i wanna wake up i wanna wake up next to you next to you and i guess i never really knew and i guess that i'll never know who i am and what i want who i want and what i am
10.
Toast 02:52
he ate toast for breakfast and toast for lunch and toast for snack and toast for dinner and toast for dessert and grinded up toast for his decaf post-dessert drink and no one liked him they thought the toast thing was weird but he didn't care because in his mind he had a lover and in his mind he had purpose and in his mind he had wisdom and in his belly, toast loaves and loaves more than all of them loaves and loaves more than all of them his lover being toast his purpose being toast his wisdom being toast and he never had time to dwell on why everyone was running around all confused he was busy turning bread into toast busy bread into toast
11.

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released June 21, 2019

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Gaynor Burlington, Vermont

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